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by SheynaLew



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, novel tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-02-19 17:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheynaLew/pseuds/SheynaLew
Summary: Thinking each other dead, and struggling to come to terms with their loss, Sam and Jack are reunited and find that their grief and relief have changed their relationship forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place immediately after the events of the Stargate Novels book, City of the Gods by Sonny Whitelaw. As a disclaimer, none of the novel is mine, but I absolutely recommend you go read it, because it is absolutely fantastic! While you're at it, go read all of them.  
> Whilst the novel fits perfectly into canon, this fic deviates to become an AU.  
> The first chapter is a little angsty, but I promise it gets a bit more cheerful later on.

                Sam’s grin didn’t leave her face as the General left the Gate Room, and she turned back to her team. Her heart was doing back-flips in her chest and if asked, she would have struggled to find a moment when she had been happier. Her relief and joy at seeing them alive was reflected on each of their faces. Daniel pulled her back into another hug.

                “We thought you were dead, Sam.” He muttered, clearly holding back tears.

                “Yeah, well, I thought the same about the three of you.” She felt a strong hand on her shoulder and pulled out of Daniel’s arms to see Teal’c standing behind her.

                “I am extremely glad to see you well, Major Carter.” Even he looked as though he was welling up.

                Sam grinned at him and Daniel finally let her go. She turned back to look at the Colonel, allowing herself, for once, to just look with no care for what anyone around them might think. He smiled back at her, but behind the smile his eyes had a darkness to them. She recognised the look from her own face. Each time she’d looked in her mirror since they’d been gone she’d seen a shadow in her own eyes; the pure, gut-wrenching sadness and loss.

                “Well, we’d best get cleaned up!” Daniel broke the tension, grabbed Teal’c by the arm and walked out of the Gate Room, leaving Sam and Jack alone.

                “I…” Jack started, still staring intently at her, “I’m really glad you’re alright, Carter.”

                “You too, sir.” She smiled, weakly.

                “Walk me to the locker room?” He smiled again.

                Sam nodded, and turned towards the door. As they set off, she felt his hand on her back, as though he were reassuring himself that she was still alive. She was glad; she needed reassuring that he was too.

                They walked in silence towards the locker room, Jack not removing his hand, despite the looks he was receiving from fellow airmen. Some merely appeared curious, others outright shocked. But he realised, belatedly, that they probably all thought, as Carter had done, that he was dead.

                At the locker room, they stopped.

                “I’ll…er…I’ll wait for you before the briefing.” Sam said.

                Jack just gave her a wide grin. As he turned towards the door he grabbed her hand and squeezed it, tightly, then disappeared into the locker room.

 

* * *

 

 

As Jack stood under the hot water from the shower he couldn’t help but replay the events of the last week in his head. It was true, he’d disappeared and gone fishing, but it hadn’t been the relaxing break he’d made it out to be.

_He couldn’t stand to be around anyone. He’d done his job, he’d saved a civilisation, but, in his mind, the cost had been too much to bear. Simply looking at the people he’d rescued was painful and reminded him of his loss. Daniel had said they would be able to get home in a matter of days, but Jack simply couldn’t bring himself to care. It didn’t matter where he was now. He could be on Earth, he could be here, he could be floating through space. But Carter was gone. Where he really wanted to be, if he was honest with himself, was back on that damn moon as it was being torn apart; let him suffer the same fate she had. Because in truth, a world, no matter which world, without her, was too painful to be in._

_He’d thought about chucking himself off one of the cliffs surrounding the lake, but he hadn’t done it. Daniel and Teal’c still needed him. He would at least get home with them, he told himself. This was how it had been after the first mission with Daniel. Give himself little goals to get through. Make it one more day. And whilst he still bore the pain of the loss of Charlie, SG-1 had eventually helped him to manage it. She had helped. Simply by being there, by being a part of his team and his life. Except now, she wasn’t there. She’d never be there again. And he didn’t know if he could meet each goal, each day, this time._

_He didn’t sleep. He came back to his tent as the sun was setting, ignoring the puzzled look Debruzzi kept giving him, waving off Daniel’s concern and heading straight into his sleeping bag. Closing his eyes he flashed back to that first day on the moon, when she’d almost been swept away when the dam had broken. He felt again the relief and joy when she coughed and breathed again. He felt a tear roll down his cheek at the thought that it was all for nothing; a few more days, that was all, and then her death had been so much more painful than if he’d let her drown. He didn’t brush the tear away. She deserved a tear, even if he’d let no one else see._

_Each day was the same. He’d disappear, fishing, wallow in his grief, then return at night to lie awake in his tent, shedding a tear for Carter. The first night he’d told himself he’d have done the same for Daniel, or for Teal’c. But by the final day, he’d become so frustrated in himself, so angry that he kept lying, even to himself, that he’d allowed the truth to enter his mind. He had loved her. She deserved his tears, he knew, but she, her memory, also deserved the truth; that he was in love with her. Screw the regulations, screw what anyone would say or think or do. Except it was too late. She had died, such an awful, painful death, away from him. And she had died not knowing how loved she was. The guilt he felt at her death, the pain he felt at losing her, all compounded beneath that awful truth; he should have told her, she should have known._

“Jack, are you staying in there all day?” Daniel called. “De-briefing, Hammond, remember?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be out in a minute.” It was the most he had said to Daniel all week. He swallowed the grating pain in his throat and switched the shower off. She was alive, he told himself, she was alive.

 

* * *

 

 

Carter was still in the corridor when Daniel and Jack came out. Teal’c must have finished his shower quickly because he’d gone long before Jack had dried off and changed into his uniform. Relief washed over Jack on seeing her standing there, waiting, and he couldn’t help but smile again. She was alive. She beamed at the two of them and let out a breath she must have been holding. Daniel looped his arm in hers and led her towards the briefing room, Jack following along behind, content just to be in her company again. She kept turning to face him and grinning.

The briefing took some time, and afterwards Hammond ordered them to the infirmary, but called Sam back. She looked towards her team as they left, clearly wanting to follow them.

“Major Carter,” Hammond began, “I’m aware you’re technically still on compassionate leave…”

“It’s ok, sir. I’ll be ready to come back in first thing tomorrow.”

“No, Major, I’d like you, and the rest of SG-1, to take a few days off. Say a week, at least.”

“Erm… yes, sir.”

“And I’d like you to speak to Dr MacKenzie.”

“Sir, I really don’t think…”

“It’s not a request, Major. Colonel O’Neill, Dr Jackson and Teal’c will be speaking to him too.”

Sam hung her head. “Yes, sir.”

“Go spend time with your team, Sam. I’ll ask MacKenzie to give you a call tomorrow.”

“Thank you, sir.” Dismissed, she left his office and sped off towards the infirmary and her team. Her team. Alive, relatively well, and back as if from the dead. All she wanted right now was to be in their company. Technically she’d been home for days, but in her heart, she wasn’t truly home until they’d stepped through the ‘gate. The agony she’d felt whilst under the belief that they were dead came back, briefly, and she sped up to reach them faster; to reassure herself that they really were alive.

As she reached the infirmary she heard raised voices, clearly in argument, but even this brought a smile to her face. Jack was admonishing an innocent nurse for trying to draw his blood “for no damn reason.”

“Now, sir, that’s not following General Hammond’s orders is it?” She called out to him as she came into the room.

He turned to look at her, instantly smiling again, and the nurse took the opportunity to jab him when his back was turned. His face darkened as he glared at the woman. She peered up at him with a look of total innocence on her face and slapped a band-aid on his arm.

Jack turned back to Sam, “That was sneaky, Major.” But he couldn’t keep the irritated expression on his face and the corners of his mouth turned up. “So, when we’re out of here, _if_ we get out of here, I’m thinking a little team-bonding might be needed.” He was still looking at Sam, but Daniel answered from the next bed.

“Decided you’d like to be sociable again, Jack?” He said.

Jack ignored him. “Pizza?” He said to Sam. Then seemed to realise that just the two of them probably didn’t constitute a ‘team night’, and looked at Daniel and Teal’c. “Star Wars?”

“Not The Simpsons?” Daniel was mocking him, and Sam smiled cheekily at the archaeologist.

Jack ignored him again and looked back at Sam, whose gaze flickered back to him. “Yes, sir. I think that’s definitely needed.” She wandered over to a chair between Jack and Daniel’s beds, took a seat and patiently waited out the remainder of their examinations, drinking in the conversation between the three men. She didn’t fail to notice that Jack kept catching her eye and smiling, almost with relief, at her. Where usually she would have stopped herself from returning that kind of look so blatantly, now she smiled back, simply enjoying the fact that he, that _they,_ were alive.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was previously rated T, but I got a bit carried away and now it's suddenly an E! Oops! I hope you enjoy!

The team night was at Jack’s, as it usually was, and consisted, as was tradition, of a selection of pizzas spread out on Jack’s kitchen counters with slices to be grabbed as and when they were wanted, and ice-cold beers keeping cool in his fridge. True to his word, Jack allowed Teal’c to stick Star Wars on, content simply to be with his team, all four of them together as they were supposed to be. He let Daniel and Teal’c tell the story of their escape from the moon again, though Sam had heard it all in the briefing already and closed his eyes as Sam told of her own escape; letting her soft voice wash over him, almost lulling him to sleep. It felt so, so good to be able to hear her voice again.

“So, what about when you got back here? What have you been doing the last few days?” Daniel was asking her.

Sam faltered. Jack’s eyes snapped open and settled on her, saw the anguish on her face, though she had barely twitched a muscle. “I thought you were all dead, Daniel, what do you think I’ve been doing?”

Daniel blanched. “Right. Sorry, Sam.”

The atmosphere in the room grew a little tense as they stayed silent, Jack still staring intently at Sam, who was now peering into her beer bottle. He couldn’t take the silence. “So! Who needs another beer?” He pushed himself out of his seat, grabbing Sam’s empty bottle and gently brushing his fingertips over the back of her hand as he did so. She looked up, into his eyes, and it felt as though his heart had missed a bit. God, he never thought he’d get to look at her like that again. Rather than letting the moment pass quickly, as they would have done before, they stared at each other a moment or two longer. Then she stood up too, muttering something about getting more pizza. As she followed him into the kitchen Daniel cleared his throat, but neither of them really noticed.

 

* * *

 

 

In the kitchen, Jack went straight for the fridge, Sam for the pizza on the counter. She was loading a couple of slices of pepperoni onto a plate when he walked past her with the beers, his elbow lightly nudging her. He put the bottles down next to the pizza and turned to face her.

“I’m…I’m really, _really_ glad you’re alive Carter.”

She stopped what she was doing and looked up at him, her breath catching as she caught the look in his eyes; pure, unmasked affection. She felt her eyes begin to water and a lump in her throat, telling her if she spoke she’d most certainly be crying. Instead she put her plate down and stepped forwards, closing the gap between them. His eyes flickered down to her lips and back to her eyes. But she threw her arms around him and tucked her face into his neck. He didn’t hesitate a moment before wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her closer. They stood there for what felt like both an eternity and mere seconds; far too long and not long enough, with one hand between her shoulders and the other on the small of her back, and his face buried in her hair. They pulled apart just a little. She’d calmed down a little; he had that effect on her.

“I missed you.” She said. “Sir.” Just a beat too late.

“I missed you too, Sam.” And she smiled at him, that dazzling, beautiful smile. “C’mon, or Teal’c’s gonna get cranky that we’re missing the movie.”

“Not that we’ve not all been forced to watch it at least five times now.” She grinned.

“I think this might be six…”

“Good grief.”

He turned to leave the kitchen, grabbing the two bottles in one hand, then paused, and without turning to look at her, reached for her hand, entwined their fingers and led her back to the living room.

 

* * *

 

 

If they had noticed, neither Teal’c nor Daniel had said a word about her and Jack holding hands. He’d let go once he got to his chair and plopped onto it before holding one of the beers up for Sam to take. She’d beamed down at him when she took it and returned to her spot on the other armchair. They’d watched the movie in relative silence, barring the occasional trip to the kitchen to replenish food and drink, and as the credits rolled, Daniel had yawned.

“I’m gonna get going; I love you guys but I have _really_ missed my bed!” He said, getting slowly to his feet, stretching a little.

“Might I request a lift back to the base, Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c asked, also standing.

“Sure. You good to go now?”

“Indeed.”

Sam felt a small wave of panic flood through her, knowing that she was to be without half her team again, but she tampered it, telling herself not to be ridiculous; they were just going home. Still, she couldn’t resist the urge to say, “Breakfast in the morning?”

They must have heard the slightly raised pitch in her voice, the hint of panic. Daniel turned to her and smiled. “Sure, Sam. I really fancy waffles! Is ten ok?”

“Ten?!” Said Jack. “That’s practically lunch!”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “I can push it to nine, no earlier!”

“Ok by me.” Replied Sam.

“Fine.” Sighed Jack. “Oh-nine-hundred. Waffles.”

Daniel and Teal’c headed for the door, each pulling Sam into a hug on their way, squeezing just a little too tight to reassure themselves that the other was real. Jack walked them to the door and waved them off, before heading back to the living room to find Sam standing and pulling on her jacket.

“I should probably go too, sir.”

Jack’s heart sank. It wasn’t that he wanted anything in particular to happen, it was just that he couldn’t bear to be without her again. It must have shown on his face, because she stopped pulling her arm into a sleeve and rushed out “I don’t want to.” Before turning beet-red and staring intently at the floor.

“Then don’t.” Jack croaked out. She looked up at him, shocked. “I don’t want you to go either. I mean…I have a guest room. You could just stay here tonight. If you wanted.” He kicked himself inside; hadn’t he just spent a week thinking about how he should have told her how he felt. “Sam, look…” he started.

“Can we watch some TV for bit?” She interrupted. “Sorry, sir, what were you going to say?”

“I… sure, let’s watch something.”

“What were you going to say?”

“It’s ok, it’s nothing.”

“No, please tell me. I can go if you want. I don’t want to intrude.” She looked panicked, as though she thought she’d over-stepped the line.

“What? You’re not intruding? I don’t want you to go. Let’s just sit down, finish our beer and watch some Simpsons. Please?” He sat on the sofa and gestured to the space next to him.

She looked at it for a moment, then settled her eyes on him. “Ok.” She sat next to him, bolt upright, beer in both hands, perched on her knees while he fiddled with the remote. When he finally got the TV onto the Simpsons she was inspecting her bottle again.

“Sam…” He started again, tilting his head to look at her.

She looked up at him, startled by his use of her first name, before realising he’d been calling her that all night. He was looking at her so intently, but he looked almost scared. She crinkled her eyebrows, “What’s wrong?”

He seemed to shake himself back into his usual demeanour. “Nothing. I just…” He paused, again, and she turned to face him. “When we were gone, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About how I thought you’d died, alone. How I’d never…I’d never told you.”

“Sir…” She warned him.

“Sam, wait. Just…I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, but you’re such a truly amazing person. You need to know that.”

“Jack…” She said softly, dipping her head, breaking eye contact with him. He noticed a slight pinkish blush to her cheeks.

“I… God, Sam, I thought you were dead. I thought we’d lost our chance.”

Her head snapped back up, brilliant blue eyes on his, shocked, searching him, making sure she hadn’t misunderstood. He just gazed at her, calmly, lovingly. She leaned forward, her hand on his knees, and brushed her lips lightly against his. Just a moment, only brief, and then she was back on her side of the sofa, looking at him again.

“This...This could be our second chance.” She whispered, forcing herself not to look away.

His eyes were warm, a small smile on his face. Then it faltered. “Are you sure? We’d be sacrificing our careers, jeopardizing the reputation of the SGC.”

She paused for a moment. “I know. And…I don’t want to lose SG-1. I don’t intend to. But Jack, I can’t go through that again; thinking I’ve lost you forever, never reaching the end of this long wait, never getting to the point where we can just _be_.”

“So…not giving up SG-1?”

“No, sir.”

“But still, considering doing this?” He gestured between them.

“Yes, Jack.”

He looked at her.

“What?” She said.

“I’m just trying to work out if I’m dreaming or hallucinating or something. The great Sam Carter, proposing an illicit affair?”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Ok. I’m just… surprised is all.”

“Jack, I thought you were dead too, remember. I have spent a week thinking I lost my team, my friends, and the man I…” She stopped.

“What?”

She looked at him boldly, challenging him to mock her again. “The man I love.”

He only faltered a moment before he was moving. He pulled himself across the sofa, grabbed her shoulder with one hand and the back of her head with the other and kissed her passionately, maybe a little too roughly, he thought, and slowed down a little, pulling away.

She looked up at him, her normally light and sparkling blue eyes suddenly dark. She grabbed the front of his sweater, pulling him back towards her and pressed her lips against his once more, lightly licking his bottom lip until he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue into hers. One hand with a fistful of his sweater, the other tangled in his hair, it was a moment before she allowed herself to realise that this was it; she was finally kissing Jack O’Neill. And at that thought a little shiver of electricity shot through her stomach and she moaned into his mouth. This only spurred him on and he gently bit her lower lip. She moaned again, and his hand found her leg, stroking her, gently but firmly from her knee up to her hip. As his fingers grazed the little patch of skin above her jeans her breath caught in her throat and she stopped kissing him.

He looked confused for a moment, but then she started kissing his neck, just below his ear and he relaxed again, continuing to caress her hip before slipping his hand up her blouse. She gasped and he stopped to look at her.

“Cold hands!” She said and started giggling.

“Shit, sorry.” He brought his hands up to his face and blew on them, rubbing them together, trying to get some heat into them.

She giggled more.

“No giggling!” He lowered his hands.

She bit her lip and smiled at him, putting her hand on his knee and leaning forward to kiss him once more. This time it was his turn to moan as her hand ran up the inside of his leg, lightly brushing her knuckles over the mound below his pants, then running her finger nails under his sweater, following the trail of hair past his bellybutton to just below his ribs. As she used the other hand to pull the sweater over his head he pulled his face back and groaned, “God, Sam.”

The moment the sweater was gone, her mouth was on him again, but this time, back to his neck. She kissed and licked down to his chest, to the line of hair her hand had just been caressing. As she reached the skin above the line of his pants he growled.

She smiled against him and began to undo his belt, still kissing his belly. His hand was in her hair and when she’d managed to undo the belt and his pants he pulled her head back, gently, and gazed once more into her eyes. “Bedroom.”

He pulled her up, grabbed her hand and all but dragged her down the corridor. But once they’d reached his room he hesitated again. “Sam, are you sure?”

She kissed him again, briefly. “Yes!

The certainty with which she said it was all it took. He pulled her into the room, spun her around, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, his tongue back in her mouth. Only when the backs of her knees hit something solid did she realise he had backed her into the bed. They stopped short of her falling backwards and Jack pulled back again. She sighed, frustrated that he kept stopping, but he just grinned at her.

He ran his hands from her hips up to the sides of her breasts, bringing them around to brush his thumbs over her nipples. She closed her eyes and moaned. Then cursed herself for wearing a blouse as he took his time unbuttoning the damn thing. If she’d worn a t-shirt he’d have had the thing off by now and his mouth could have been where his hands just were. “Jack.” She complained. He seemed to be taking forever. He just grinned again. “Please!”

“I want to take my time, Sam. I want to remember every single detail of this.”

She kissed him again, her teeth nipping at his lip, as her hands wrapped around behind him and she slipped her hand down the back of his pants to squeeze his ass.

“That’s not gonna work.” He mumbled into her mouth.

She squeezed again and slipped her hand down from his ass to between his legs, pressing herself up close to him so she could reach, and very lightly touching his balls.

He breathed in suddenly, clearly shocked. Then ripped the rest of her shirt open. As a button flew over his shoulder she briefly considered that those were her only clothes and she’d have to wear them to breakfast, before his mouth was on her breast, his tongue licking her nipple through the lace of her bra. She sighed.

Jack lowered her gently to the bed and she scooted back until her head was on the pillows. As he climbed onto the bed he let his pants fall to the floor, his erection pushing hard against the fabric of his boxers. He nudged her legs apart with his knees, settling himself over her and leaning forward to kiss her gently once more. She reached up and grabbed him firmly, squeezing his cock and then running her hand up to the tip to rub her thumb across the fabric there. He reached between them too, unbuttoning her jeans and pulling her hips up towards him so he could pull them down properly.

As he got them over her ankles and feet and threw them to the floor he turned back to see her lying there. His Samantha Carter. On his bed. In nothing but a black lace bra and matching panties, biting her bottom lip and gazing at him. He felt himself twitch at the thought of divesting her of the remaining clothing and surged forward, back between her legs, his mouth at the curve between her neck and her shoulder, gently biting and sucking until she moaned again.

He pushed his hips down, running his hard length down the front of her wet panties, rubbing it against her clit. The sound she made was somewhere between a groan and a squeak, and he was determined to make her do it again. As he continued to tease her his mouth found her breasts again, sucking on the nipple through the lace, with her hands in his hair, pushing him, urging him on.

Finally, she couldn’t take any more. She pushed him back, sadistically enjoying the confused look on his face as she reached for his boxers and pulled them down. When his erection sprang free, he swore she licked her lips. The boxers were caught at his knees, so he stood and removed them. As he did so, she unhooked her bra and pulled it down, revealing alabaster breasts with dark pink nipples. If possible, he was sure he grew harder just looking at them.

He moved to get back onto the bed, but she reached out with her foot, gently nudging her toes against his hip, holding him back. He looked confused again, but she kept him back. Keeping eye contact, she palmed her own breast with one hand, and brought the other down to the line of her panties, gently caressing her own stomach with her fingernails until she hooked the top of her underwear. Slowly, teasingly, she drew it down to reveal smooth, white skin. Her middle finger ran down her centre, brushing against the wetness there and then pushing the panties down her thighs. Jack was torn between gazing at the pink wet flesh between her legs or watching the path of the panties as the slid slowly towards her ankles. The moment they reached her feet she had to move her toes from his hip, and he took the opportunity to move forward again.

He grabbed the foot with the panties hanging from it, removed the offending item of clothing and kissed the inside of her ankle. She shivered, and he made sure he’d remember that that was a sensitive spot. He kissed his way up the inside of her leg, until he reached the top. His fingers gently pushed against her and she made the noise again. His thumb brushed against her clit and then he trailed his hand up to her breast, lightly tweaking her nipple and kissing her between her legs, licking gently at her opening.

“Oh!” She sighed, and it undid him. Suddenly his mouth was on hers again and his cock against her, rubbing and pushing at her. She reached between them and guided him into her centre. Slowly, he pushed and felt the warmth inside her envelope him. She let out a breath as she felt him push as far as he could. Slowly, he pulled out again, almost completely. Then, equally slowly, back in. She could only stand this a few times before she wrapped her legs around his waist and forced him to increase his speed. As he thrust into her, she pushed up to meet him, forcing him deeper. His hand went back to her breast, his calloused palm rough against her delicate nipple. The sensation was almost overwhelming, but it was only when he reached down and lightly rubbed her clit that she truly came undone. A fire spread through her lower belly, down to her core. Her orgasm carried her, as though on a wave, and she closed her eyes, tilted her head back and cried out, “Jack!”

He slowed his movements, let her ride it out, enjoying the fluttering of her muscles around him. The moment she stilled he began to thrust with a renewed vigour. As she calmed she met each thrust again, then felt him shudder and still for a moment, before thrusting once, twice, harder as he spilled himself inside her. Spent, he rested his forehead against hers, but he remained where he was, not wanting to leave her warmth just yet.

She was rubbing his back and kissing his neck when he finally moved out of her and rolled to the side, leaning his head on his hand to look down at her. She looked up quizzically at him.

“Are you ok?” She asked, nervously.

“I love you.” He replied, and she smiled that big grin again. “I just…I didn’t say it before, when you did. But I do, you know. I love you.”

“I know.” She smiled. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this was my first time writing smutty fic! Weirdly this is also the longest chapter I've ever written... hmm. Perhaps I got a tad carried away.  
> As it's my first time (so to speak), please, please give feedback; criticism is appreciated!  
> Other than that, I truly hope you enjoy it. I may be doing another chapter, but for now, this one is complete!


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